I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
