i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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