I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
