Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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