I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
