Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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