More tranny stories later!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
