he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dicks are not precious.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
