I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
