My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need water and some morals
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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