did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Houston, we have a squirter
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize