I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
