yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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