so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
