Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
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