I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
