They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
