It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i drank out of a bidet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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