she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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