I wanna bring you to show and tell
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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