you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
