If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
