How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
