Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
