At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
