Will you blow on my dice?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
