so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
