he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
