3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Randomize
