I could make wine with my vomit
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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