if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize