so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
