I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
