It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize