I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
