i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
