I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
