mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
