can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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