false alarm. still invincible.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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