i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
