dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
