Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
