Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
