Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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