I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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