Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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