the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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