Who wears a wallet chain?!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
