then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
