Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
