Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
