what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
