is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
