So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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