dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize