Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
