coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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