i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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