So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
