its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am one with the molecules
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize