RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
