Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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