I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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