I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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