i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
