Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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