I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
