Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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