I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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