I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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