i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
