So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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