I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
