Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
