Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
