Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
