You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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