For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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