i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
